Dear person I hate:
I wish I could say I actually hate you, but I would be lying. And if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that lying hurts a hell of a lot more than you think the truth will. So, in truth, I hate what you did to me. I know who I am and what I believe and where I am going. I hate that for those couple of days, couple of hours, couple of minutes, you made me question that. I am never making that mistake again.
You’re a dick. But I forgive you. I forgive you for all the shit you put me through when you said you were the one going through it. I’m not angry that you’re with someone else, I’m not jealous. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. But I also only ever wanted the truth and all you gave me were lies. I hope to God you don’t do that to her. You didn’t love me. So please, if you tell her you love her, be sure that you mean it. If your heart doesn’t ache when you see her doing something she loves, you do not love her. If your heart doesn’t beat a little faster when you see her in the hall then you do not love her. If your breath doesn’t catch in your throat when her name pops up on your phone then you do not love her. If she doesn’t take your breath away and feel like a breath of fresh air at the same time then you do not love her. I hope you look at her the way I always wished you looked me. I hope you love her the way every girl deserves to be loved: with an open heart and no hesitations. I hope one day, you can tell me the truth. But mostly, I hope you’re happy. Please, don’t tell her you love her, not unless you mean it. Trust me. All a girl wants is an honest love.
I’m still here. I’ll always be here. I’ve never left. If you ever need me, I’m there, in an instant. I still care–no matter what.
God, I adore you. You have absolutely no idea how glad I am to know you. How overjoyed I am to call you my best friend and that you (hopefully) call me that back. How completely ecstatic I am that someone understands me a little more than I do myself sometimes. We are polar opposites and yet exactly the same. You want to act in movies and I want to write the books those movies are about. you haven’t read a whole book since seventh grade and I’ve finished three this weekend. You know that the world doesn’t end with one bad grade, yet I die a little inside when I see one. But at the same time, we have the same taste in boys. We love the same television shows. We obsess about the same actors. You’re my friend soulmate and I pray everyday that I won’t lose you because I don’t know where I would be without my Lydia. I love you more than words. And I’m a big fan of words.
You are incredible. Like insanely, wonderfully, almost magically incredible. You’ve gone through hell and back and you’re still here, smiling everyday and making people smile back. Your words save people. I know you don’t think they are good enough sometimes but trust me, they are. They always are. The world deserves to see your artwork, more than the seven people who visit this site. Share it with the world. It’s not as scary a place as all the authors make it seem. I should know, I do it all the time. Love so hard that it hurts, Kenna. We all love and adore you and want only the best for you. And wherever you go, I’ll be there, when you need me. I’ve got your back. Always.
“I’m sorry you were never truly loved, and that it made you cruel.”
You are worth it.
I asked for Hot Wheels when I was seven and you gave me a Littelest Pet Shop playground. Sexist much?
I love you so much. You’re in my side, always, even if I’m wrong. I’ve never met someone as strong as you or as brace. You’re my role model. You’re all I’ve ever wanted to be and more. You love Jake even when it’s hard and you love Tyler even when he’s selfish and you love Dad even when he’s being an idiot. And you love me, even when I blame myself for things I didn’t do. Even when I make myself sick over grades. Even when u lose myself trying to keep other people happy. I love you more than you know and more than I could ever be able to say. Thank you, for being one of the best people I have ever known. I love you.
I know your heart breaks when other people’s do and I know you try and hide it. I know sometimes you joke to cover up the hurt. I love you, jokes or not, hdidng or not. You live your life without regret and never apologise for who you are. You’re brace without even knowing it and I love you. I don’t say it enough but I do. There’s not many people in this world I would die for but I would for you. And I would for Mom. An I would for both Jake and Tyler. I love you, forever and always.
Dear future me:
Am I happy? Am I alive? Truly alive? Did I do what I’ve always dreamed? Have I seen the world? More importantly, have I changed the world? Have I saved someone’s life? Have I kept writing? Is the world still terrifying? Have I made a difference? Am I loved?
Dear past me:
You made it. You survived. And you’re using that survival to prove that life gets better. People love a little harder than you thought they did and the world isn’t always as harsh as it seems. Hang in there. You’re almost home.