Regardless of what’s going on in the world, never lose sight of the fact that love saves lives.
And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on my knees in front of that porcelain toilet with the shower turned on and the music turned up to drown out the thoughts of “you aren’t good enough” and “you’re too fat to be loved.”
And I can’t tell you how many times I stuck my own fingers down my throat before I realized that maybe there is nothing wrong with how I look but rather there is something wrong with how the world looks at me. Maybe I do not have to change myself but rather the world has to change its values.
Because my scars are beautiful and my stretch marks are beautiful and my skin is beautiful and the percentage of people who look like the world wants them to is vastly, greatly, immensely outnumbered by the percentage of real people.
People who eat insecurity for breakfast and doubt for lunch then throw them up at dinner time because they don’t stay down, they don’t go away. People who cut themselves with a blade called shame and bleed pain then cover it up with long sleeves because they’ve become so numb to the world they just wanted to feel something. People who sleep on a bed of depression and a pillow of anxiety then can’t get up in the morning because the world is full of uncertainty and hatred.
Real people suffer from real problems. The world is what’s fake, but the people living in it are not.
They compare her to the Milky Way. Her love is the only known source of life that the people of this world know. The moon dots her eyes and the galaxies spread across her lips. Her mind is home to a vast array of cosmoses that no other can compare to. The birth and death of every star, every planet, every nebula is written across her skin. Stardust is in her bones, in her hair, in her blood. Her body is made up of every inch, known and unknown,of the universe. But people nowadays do not care to study astronomy. In losing the flowing complexities of the universe, they have lost the flowing complexity of her. The moon may dot her eyes, but she cannot see it reflected back in someone else’s. If only they had known, that her smile was brighter than the sun’s rays. If only they had known that her heart was filled to the brim with every beautiful thing in the universe. If only they had known her laugh was the sound of stars being born, planets being made. If only they had known that she was not beautiful like the sun rising or setting, or like crystal beaches. If only they could see that she was beautiful like a meteor shower, falling and crashing, but lighting up the night. But the universe is not just beautiful stars and galaxies with no end. They are full of black holes and stars too hot to touch. Beautiful from afar, but up close, hard to handle. If only people took more interest in astronomy, she would have always felt loved. If only she knew there were people that spent their whole lives staring up at the sky. Maybe then she would not have floated away.
He was always compared to the ocean. Beautiful scenery, warm waters, and home to more life than what lives on the land. People saw him and saw the warms waters and wanted to drown themselves in whatever was underneath. His hair was the crashing waves and the rising tides. There were coral reefs and countless ecosystems that flourished and colored vibrantly under the shimmering of the sun. And as people took timid steps into the water and felt its warmth, they took more in until they got to the place where the sun cannot shine and fled in fear, for he was not the warm place full of the life they once thought he was. If only they knew his eyes showed the secrets of the ocean no one knew about. If only they knew that his soul was the same as the waves crashing on the sand, boundless and always crashing. If only people cared more about the oceans at our feet he would have felt needed. If only he knew there were people who relished in his cold waters. Maybe then he would not try so hard to wash away the footprints on the beach.
If only either of them knew that the moon and the tides were connected. If only they knew that the moon dragged the tide away from being sucked in forever. If only they knew the ocean spent half its life reflecting the moon back its beauty. Maybe then they would have known that there is a person out there that makes you something bigger than yourself.
I couldn’t scream at you, so I picked up a pen. You followed me here, to my safest place, my secret place, then wondered why your name was on fire.
Words are the greatest weapon that has ever been created by mankind. Thousands of languages branching off from another. Thousands of words to describe the exact things. Millions of phrases that have started and ended wars. Billions of words that have saved and killed lives. Hundreds of doctrines that have attempted to end famine. Tens of thousands of books that have created endless worlds that we could never fathom or comprehend. These words that kill. These words that love. These words that become more than words. They create alternate realities and twist the one you live in. It’s words you fall for, words that break you. Words that come in the right order at the right time. Words that can break you, change you, raze you. Words that can change the world. Words that can end it. Words that can do anything you want them to, if you know how to use them. Words are the only weapons that do not cost anything, and that can build up as much as they destroy. It’s words that are important. But it’s always words that are forgotten.
A thousand stories are in one day. A million. A billion. One day is another thousand, million, billion. And the next there’s more and more and more until there isn’t a number that can say how many stories there are.
There’s your story. You met a boy. You fell for him. You didn’t want to but you did nonetheless and once you’ve fallen, you have to go through hell and back to get back up. You know that and you still fell. And for a time it was wonderful, wasn’t it? Transcendent even. But the same way you fell into love, he fell out of it. And you wondered if maybe he didn’t fall out of it. Maybe you didn’t break up because you were no longer in love, but because you were standing right in the middle of it, and you didn’t know where to move. And you hoped and hoped until the hope broke you more than he did. So you gave up. And you moved on. And you fell in love again and again and again until there was a boy who didn’t fall out of it and didn’t run away when he was in the middle of it. And there is story after story after story. Until it’s the end.
And then there’s his story, the first boy you fell for. The one who broke your heart. He met you. And from the moment he laid his eyes on you, he knew you would change his life. For better or for worse he had no idea. And that terrified him. And so he fell, the same way you did, knowing how hard it would be to get back up and doing it anyway. And he loved you. Inside and out. But he was still terrified. He didn’t have the courage to love you the way he always knew you deserved to be loved. And he couldn’t bear the thought of keeping you from the person who could. So he let go, for both of you, while he was standing right in the middle of the only love he would ever know. And he left the only person he would ever love. And he knew he loved you and only you because he gave you up so that you could be happy with someone else. And then came story after story after story, without you in it. But he never forgot you. And he never would. Not even after his story’s ended.
The first time I invited him to meet my family
The first time she introduced me to her family
He was fascinated by our home.
I was crazy jealous.
How amazing was it
How amazing was it
That someone could think so highly of us.
That she had people who cared so much.
How amazing was it
How amazing was it
That he thought our family was whole.
That her family was whole.
He told me he came from a broken home
I told her
But so did I.
That mine was fractured.
My father has a suspicious amount of late nights at the office with his secretary
My father was eternally intoxicated
And my mother still keeps a razor under the sink for when she’s alone.
And my mother was a nameless whore.
My brother privately deals out of the back of his car
My sister married an abuser
And I keep my emotions bottled up so no one knows.
And my brother was shot because of a leaf.
But my fragmented family
But her family
began to heal when he came in,
They took me in,
started to piece back together again.
Loved me when my own father couldn’t.
Never have I known,
Never have I known,
That one boy could impact my life so much.
That someone can look after another that isn’t their own.
Never have I known,
Never have I known,
That shattered shards could be made whole again.
That the broken can begin to be mended.
Can this be my future?
- e.o. & m.f.
I hope you fall in love with the person that takes your breath away.
I hope you fall in love with the person who sees the galaxies growing beneath your black holes.
I hope you fall in love with someone who never makes you wonder if they love you. Never makes you question if they say what mean. Never makes you doubt who you are and if you’re good enough.
I hope you fall in love with someone that makes you marvel at the universe.
I hope you fall in love with the person that makes you believe in yourself, that believes in you so completely. One that would follow you to the ends of the earth and ever question why you were going. I hope you fall in love with the person you’re supposed to, the person you were meant to. I hope you won’t settle because the right one isn’t ready yet.
Please, don’t fall in love with someone because they were in the right place at the right time. Please don’t fall in love with the pretty words that just happened to be in the right order. In the end, all they are are words.
Girls, please don’t fall in love with the boy who promises to change just for you. Don’t fall in love with the boys who promise to love you, so long as you give them what they want first. They don’t really love you. Don’t fall in love with the boys that use a broken home or a broken life as an excuse for everything. People go through shit everyday and they still manage to love the right way. Fall in love with the boy who makes sure you got home okay before he can even attempt to fall asleep. Fall in love with the boy that supports every damn thing you do, even if it’s just cooking dinner. Fall in love with the boy who loves you, wholly and completely, because you are too full of life to be only half-loved.
Boys, don’t fall in love with the girl that bitches behind people’s backs. She’s doing it to you too. Don’t fall in love with the girl that breaks hearts and never really explains why. Don’t fall in love with the girl who refuses to believe in love. You’ll try to change her mind, but in the end, you’ll end up thinking love doesn’t exist. Fall in love with the girl that can’t look at you without smiling. Fall in love with the girl that is content with spending the day with you and doing absolutely nothing. Fall in love with the girl that doesn’t just tell you she loves you, but shows you, everyday, and never gets tired or proving it.
Fall in love with the person that makes the world brighter, the hard times easier, and the pain bearable.
Fall in love with your best friend.
Fall in love.
- It’s not, and it never was, your fault. Sometimes feelings change. Sometimes people change. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
- Being heartbroken doesn’t mean you are broken. You are full and you are loved and you are enough.
- The hurt doesn’t go away right away. I don’t think it ever really does.
- One day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, you won’t feel sick when you look at them.
- You are worth so much more than a person who couldn’t see the galaxy growing inside of you.
- There are brighter days ahead. There will be days in your future when you will laugh and not wonder if they can see. Where you can wear the shirt you wore on the first date and not think about how they told you that you were beautiful. Where you can make it through your day without thinking about their favourite song on the radio, or their favourite restaurant, or the smell of their cologne. There will be days that aren’t filled to the brim with them.
- You have to forgive them, but you should never forget. They are a part of you, and they will always be. Cherish that chapter in your life. And then begin a new one.
Dear person I hate:
I wish I could say I actually hate you, but I would be lying. And if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that lying hurts a hell of a lot more than you think the truth will. So, in truth, I hate what you did to me. I know who I am and what I believe and where I am going. I hate that for those couple of days, couple of hours, couple of minutes, you made me question that. I am never making that mistake again.
You’re a dick. But I forgive you. I forgive you for all the shit you put me through when you said you were the one going through it. I’m not angry that you’re with someone else, I’m not jealous. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. But I also only ever wanted the truth and all you gave me were lies. I hope to God you don’t do that to her. You didn’t love me. So please, if you tell her you love her, be sure that you mean it. If your heart doesn’t ache when you see her doing something she loves, you do not love her. If your heart doesn’t beat a little faster when you see her in the hall then you do not love her. If your breath doesn’t catch in your throat when her name pops up on your phone then you do not love her. If she doesn’t take your breath away and feel like a breath of fresh air at the same time then you do not love her. I hope you look at her the way I always wished you looked me. I hope you love her the way every girl deserves to be loved: with an open heart and no hesitations. I hope one day, you can tell me the truth. But mostly, I hope you’re happy. Please, don’t tell her you love her, not unless you mean it. Trust me. All a girl wants is an honest love.
I’m still here. I’ll always be here. I’ve never left. If you ever need me, I’m there, in an instant. I still care–no matter what.
God, I adore you. You have absolutely no idea how glad I am to know you. How overjoyed I am to call you my best friend and that you (hopefully) call me that back. How completely ecstatic I am that someone understands me a little more than I do myself sometimes. We are polar opposites and yet exactly the same. You want to act in movies and I want to write the books those movies are about. you haven’t read a whole book since seventh grade and I’ve finished three this weekend. You know that the world doesn’t end with one bad grade, yet I die a little inside when I see one. But at the same time, we have the same taste in boys. We love the same television shows. We obsess about the same actors. You’re my friend soulmate and I pray everyday that I won’t lose you because I don’t know where I would be without my Lydia. I love you more than words. And I’m a big fan of words.
You are incredible. Like insanely, wonderfully, almost magically incredible. You’ve gone through hell and back and you’re still here, smiling everyday and making people smile back. Your words save people. I know you don’t think they are good enough sometimes but trust me, they are. They always are. The world deserves to see your artwork, more than the seven people who visit this site. Share it with the world. It’s not as scary a place as all the authors make it seem. I should know, I do it all the time. Love so hard that it hurts, Kenna. We all love and adore you and want only the best for you. And wherever you go, I’ll be there, when you need me. I’ve got your back. Always.
“I’m sorry you were never truly loved, and that it made you cruel.”
You are worth it.
I asked for Hot Wheels when I was seven and you gave me a Littelest Pet Shop playground. Sexist much?
I love you so much. You’re in my side, always, even if I’m wrong. I’ve never met someone as strong as you or as brace. You’re my role model. You’re all I’ve ever wanted to be and more. You love Jake even when it’s hard and you love Tyler even when he’s selfish and you love Dad even when he’s being an idiot. And you love me, even when I blame myself for things I didn’t do. Even when I make myself sick over grades. Even when u lose myself trying to keep other people happy. I love you more than you know and more than I could ever be able to say. Thank you, for being one of the best people I have ever known. I love you.
I know your heart breaks when other people’s do and I know you try and hide it. I know sometimes you joke to cover up the hurt. I love you, jokes or not, hdidng or not. You live your life without regret and never apologise for who you are. You’re brace without even knowing it and I love you. I don’t say it enough but I do. There’s not many people in this world I would die for but I would for you. And I would for Mom. An I would for both Jake and Tyler. I love you, forever and always.
Dear future me:
Am I happy? Am I alive? Truly alive? Did I do what I’ve always dreamed? Have I seen the world? More importantly, have I changed the world? Have I saved someone’s life? Have I kept writing? Is the world still terrifying? Have I made a difference? Am I loved?
Dear past me:
You made it. You survived. And you’re using that survival to prove that life gets better. People love a little harder than you thought they did and the world isn’t always as harsh as it seems. Hang in there. You’re almost home.